collegedropout | IC Contact.

[Oh hi Sam have we talked at all since our awkward conversation PROBABLY NOT but Rei is a master of getting to the point so she'll give u a hug later.]

The next time we collectively agree that talking to Lucifer before we have a plan is a bad idea, could we actually try sticking to it?

You and Castiel are like four year olds.

I need to get a spray bottle for both of you.

I didn't initiate anything with him and I ended it quickly.

Though I'm thinking you're forgetting all of the times you're a four-year-old. Memory problems at your age already?

I act way older than my age. I'm told it's a problem.

He's a cockroach. Just step on him and be done with it.

That being said, I talked to him.

[She's not entirely sure how she feels about their conversation, but Rei figures being honest is better than lying. Telling Castiel is just going to push him over the edge and she owes Sam an apology anyway. Better just get it all over with.]

Are you at the house?

And you say me and Cas are the culprits.

[Rei you ridic, too.]

I'm home. Just scrounging for possible medicinal plants, or ones that taste okay.

It's going about as well as you'd expect.

You started it.

[/four years old]

I have to convince Castiel to eat a squirrel tonight, so you can guess how well hunting has been going.

I think that stupid girl got rid of all of the food when she moved us here. Moron.

I'll be there soon.

Edited 2014-09-10 15:01 (UTC)

[Tell him about it. Most of his catches are going to animals who are too stupid to hunt for themselves, pretty much. On the bright side, Riot is good at retrieving carcasses.]

I'll be waiting.

[hangin' out at the crummy table at the cabin, holla]

Edited 2014-09-10 19:12 (UTC)

[She arrives about twenty minutes later, her hair pinned up for once. She sets her bow in the corner before approaching the table with something of a quiet hesitance before setting a bag full of nuts on the table.]

I think they're all edible.

[She sits down in a rickety chair, frowning.]

The squirrels aren't dead, so.

[Sam is working on a ton of half-finished things, using up every inch of the paper he'd gotten carried over from home. The biggest piece looks to be some sort of design, which he gently moves aside to look down at the bag of nuts. Ah. Well, someone's been busy. He glances up at her with a bit more pleasant of an expression than the intense focus he'd had moments earlier.]

You sure you're not a squirrel?

I think I would've been exiled from their community by now if I was.

[Given how many she's shot in the past two weeks, anyway.

She makes herself comfortable in her seat, resting her chin in her hands as she glances over the design -- brow furrowing, because some pieces look familiar but some look alien, which seems to be par for the course with their universe. Castiel tends to think that she cares about how the sigils work, seeing as she uses her own specific brand of talisman, so she lets him talk about what each symbol means in lieu of telling him that she doesn't really care so long as they do what they're supposed to do.

Ah, well.

-- right, she had a reason for interrupting his apparent art time.]

... I wanted to apologize.

[After a moment of silence, shifting her attention back to him, with a slight frown.]

I crossed a line that I shouldn't have and I took out my own fear on you and that's not very fair.

[He shrugs after a long pause, eyes on the sigil.]

It's fine. In a way, you're right. I'm not any better or worse — I'm not any more special than anyone else when it comes to dealing with Lucifer. I mean... I don't know. Maybe I'm a worse choice. Maybe I let it all get to me too much. [He hesitates, jaw clenching faintly, fingers fiddling with a paper.] Seeing the people I care about talk to him, get hurt by him, I guess it — memories all just... flood back in, and I panic.

... So yeah. I don't know if I can just get over it. But I'll try better.

[He leans back in his chair. And gives Rei a calm but sure look, speaking soft but not at all disingenuous.]

But I want one thing to be straight here. And I want to make it clear without any fighting or hard feelings: I know Castiel, too. I know what he's like; we've been through a hell of a lot together, just like you and he have. Some things you know, some things you don't. He's one of the only friends I've got left.

Don't lecture me on what to remember about him, and I'll do the same for you.

I think we both deserve that much.

[The more he talks, the more her brow furrows, which is a sure sign that Rei is about to argue -- but then she pauses, resting her fingertips on the table before settling her palms down on the worn wood.

It's something to do with her hands that isn't picking at her already frayed sleeves or worrying at her hair.

It takes a minute of sorting out what she wants to say, and how bluntly honest she wants to be -- and one thing is easier to decide than the other.]

I'm going to tell you some things and I don't want you to pity me or treat me like I'm a kid, because I'm not one.

[That seems to be a fairly good disclaimer and a good starting point.]

So if we can agree to that, then I can talk.

[He nods, passive.]

You're not a kid.

Pretty sure most kids would look at what you do and be pretty damn overwhelmed.

[She supposes that's true, and sometimes she does get overwhelmed and react... well, like a teenager, which is precisely why she's sitting in a chair having this conversation right now, but she tries her best to channel her energy as pragmatically as possible. It's difficult, without the natural buffers that are the other senshi -- but Rei has long since learned that sometimes, you need to do stuff on your own. That's what being an adult is all about.

Still, Sam seems to be willing to give her that courtesy, so Rei lets out a short breath.]

I had two people here that I loved, very much.

[It's said pretty bluntly, because it's better to just spit it out rather than beat around the bush.]

One of them was a boy named Nathaniel and he hated it here. He was very smart, very powerful, and he could convince anybody of anything. I can feel people, though -- I know when they're good and when they're bad. Nathaniel wasn't a bad person, so I talked to him, and we became friends. And then I was stupid and let myself fall in love with him, and we were happy.

[It's said factually, like she's reading a business brief instead of talking about a boyfriend, but her lips purse together a bit more when she continues.]

I had another person here that I met when I first got to this city, within the first week. I didn't have anybody here and he was nice to me. I found out later that he was only nice to me because the Animus had him underneath a curse, but we remained friends. He liked... -- he was a shinigami captain and he hated informality, so I called him by his first name to tick him off and he never called me by mine, but we could finish each other's sentences. Toushirou was my other half.

[Rei pauses and lets out a slow exhale before drawing her hands back to settle in her lap.]

They both left within a week of each other. Nathaniel is dead in his world. I'm not sure about Toushirou, but his outcome probably isn't very good. I haven't seen them since. And when they left, I wanted to quit, and Castiel told me that I couldn't quit because some people still needed me. So.

[She's actually not entirely sure what point she wanted to make with all of that, so Rei is quiet to try and figure it out before she draws in another breath.]

He's been the only one who hasn't left. And I've had to be his protector. From -- Lucifer, or Raphael, or Michael. All of them at once. It's been me. Because while I don't like to talk ill of people who aren't here, almost every version of your brother that I've met is an asshole, and you haven't been around long enough to help before now. And I'm overprotective, because I'm used to one bad word sending him straight into a path that takes him somewhere awful.

[Rei pauses again before losing her crisp tone, suddenly tired.]

So I lose my temper and get angry because I'm overwhelmed and I can't do it.

[Sam is a great listener, and a sincere one, too. That's why he leads most of the talks with the victims, or stomps on Dean's foot if he's not being gentle enough in his line of questioning. He nods, that wrinkle between his eyebrows furrowed deeper.]

I'm sorry you lost people. It's not exactly a picnic, losing so many people at once.

[It's not pity. It's a solidarity and sympathy, because he knows how it feels.

He finally sits forward, digesting the reply.]

I get it... I do. And I don't blame you for getting heated about someone you care about. Cas has helped me in ways I don't think I can completely pay back — he risked his neck and pulled me out of Hell. And he took my hellfire back home, knowing it'd really screw him up. If it wasn't for him, I'd be in a hole under everyone's feet getting pulled apart and pinched back together. So... I wanna help, too.

[He bites his lip.]

Both of you.

[He shrugs, continues:]

You guys at the cabin are what I've got now. And you've done a lot for me. I'm sorry I wasn't around enough to help before... but I'm here now, and you're kinda stuck being one of my friends, too. I'll try to do my best for the both of you. Whether it's keeping Lucifer back or stitching you guys up or — or even waving Cas off when he eventually goes off to your world; I'm here.

[He smiles with a wince. Kinda cheesy, but he's the sappy brother, right?]

As long as you can bear with me, if I stumble over my own feet sometimes.

Edited 2014-09-13 06:10 (UTC)

[Rei is quiet and passive through most of Sam's little speech, but her jaw tightens near the end, and she lets out a slow breath before she looks away.]

He's not going to come to my world.

[It's quiet, but certain.]

But I appreciate not being alone.

[He blinks, looking uncertain, features softening.]

Why do you think that?

[Castiel had said before, that he'd go to Rei's world.

Why wouldn't he?]

[His entire plan revolved around Gabriel coming with him, and now that Gabriel is gone, she's not so certain Castiel is going to jump ship without attempting to save him first. And, of course, there are the Winchesters -- and while Castiel assures her that the plan after Adstringendum is XYZ, Rei knows better than to trust his judgment when he's infamous for split-second stupid decisions. He's not going to leave their universe behind as long as the Winchesters are still in it.

Rei purses her lips slightly before answering, tone quiet.]

Because I know him, and he won't.

[He huffs.]

He thinks he'll just mess things up more if he goes home. I mean, Dean and I told him it's not like that, but he had his mind set on it.

[...]

To be honest, I don't plan on going home, either.

[Not unless someone comes from the future, tells him his life will save many if he doesn't. He knows it's an unlikely story.]

[Rei returns his huff with one of her own, rolling her eyes to the ceiling.]

It's not you that's the problem.

[It's said as tactfully as possible, but Rei has a running history of not getting along with Dean Winchester, and while she tries her best to maintain a level of civility whenever he shows up here, they butt heads more often than not over the matter of their mutual friend.]

[He should be shocked that his mind jumps straight to Dean.]

Yeah... well.

[He shrugs. And almost seems like he's not about to say anymore, but - ]

I'm not gonna let Dean guilt him into anything. Or me. Not this time. Things back home, they're crappy enough. I mean, Cas was by himself out there without his grace, and everything was collapsing around us, really... I'm tired of it, too. We've done enough, and we... deserve what we want, now.

[He glances over to her, looking so damn unsure, because he's worried it's not the right choice. Sam works in choices — it doesn't matter what you are, but what you do. But he's always beyond terrified deep down that he's not making the right choice. He's looking for validation that it's right, or at least doesn't sound stupid, that a Winchester can think like this.]

You said destiny isn't for everyone, right?

It's not my brother's choice to decide ours. He can't take those choices away from us.

[Everything back home has been painting things in a bigger scope.

Sam is not as bound to his failures to Dean anymore.

He looks down.]

I love him and I'd do almost anything for him, but he can't.

[Rei finally looks back over at him, brow furrowed -- and then she sighs, folding her hands on the table in front of her.]

Destiny isn't for everyone because for some people, it's difficult to swallow. Nobody wants a bad ending.

[It's said slowly, because sometimes the truth hurts. That being said, Rei hesitates to figure out what to say next.]

I don't see either of your stories ending badly. But I do see the potential for the circle to keep rolling. And Castiel isn't going to break himself out of it without every single person he loves coming with him.

He'll kill himself first.

[He huffs a breath.]

We'll see about that.

[He likes Rei a lot, but she's not the master of the known universe in terms of knowledge. She speaks the destiny of her world, but Sam's already kicked fate literally in the ass in theirs. With what Rei had told him and with what he knows about his universe, her words don't faze him like they could have years ago.

That said, he thinks he'll have a bad ending in his world.

It's a knot in his stomach that says as much. It's not so much a negative way of thinking as it is practical. He's fought it and he'll likely fight it again, especially for everyone else if it's good for them, but... he's a realist, and his life so far has shown him that Dean may have been right when he said it ends bloody or sad.

But he's not going to let Castiel do that to himself — what Rei says — if he can help it. Not after everything here. And not after everything he's been learning. He'll leave it at that for Rei, because he's not about to get into it with a person who may know about their world, but she's not a part of it. She doesn't get to argue with him on how everything turns out there, no more than he can argue with her that her world is gonna end up a certain way.]

I'll go with him, if he wants me to.

Until then, let's just make sure we all keep an eye on each other here and do what we can.

Edited 2014-09-15 02:51 (UTC)

He wants you to.

[There's really no question on that, in her mind -- and while Rei looks like she wants to argue more, she wrinkles her nose and sighs, letting it go.]

Fine. Deal.

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