IC Contact.

[collegedropout]

 

 

"This is Sam -- just leave a message, I'll get back to you."

 

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[ofthursday]

[Castiel nods, understanding now so much more than he had back then. Everything had been different when Castiel had first met them, when it had seemed so clear that Sam was some sort of abomination, going against God's Will and down an unnatural, corrupt path. Castiel's opinion of the subject had shifted quickly, during the Apocalypse when he began to bond more with Sam and understand how much wrong had been done on all sides, but it's only now that he can really look at it from Sam's perspective and see how things went so far, and why.]

If it is of consolation, the Apocalypse would have begun regardless.

[Castiel truly believes that; even if Dean had stopped Sam from killing Lilith, the seals would've been broken another way. The angels weren't going to accept the Apocalypse being over before it began, as evidenced by everything they had done to bring it about.

Sam had given the final shove, but if he hadn't, someone else would've done it not long after.

Something else comes to mind, and Castiel's fingers tighten a little on the edge of the counter as he argues with himself about saying it. It happened so long ago, it seems, but it's important and he's never told either of the Winchesters even though he thinks they may have guessed at it. He's afraid to admit it, but Sam deserves to know, and considering what Sam has forgiven him for this is relatively small.

Finally, he speaks, and he can't look Sam in the eye as he does so.]

And you would have never had opportunity to go after Lilith had I not let you out of Bobby's panic room.

[collegedropout]

[... Huh. He looks at Castiel, momentary surprise flicking through his vision, before he looks back down to the table. That's not exactly something he expected to hear today, to be sure. He doesn't seem outwardly upset, though, because... it was a long time ago, and mistakes were made. Mostly by him. At the time Castiel was still very much an angel, in how he operated. Follow orders, get things done, move on. And while it's sad and he admittedly finds it painful to think too much about, it's still just... stuff that happened.

It's like Dean had said before, a long time ago. Clean slate.]

... I always wondered.

Team effort, I guess.

[ofthursday]

[Castiel doesn't look up, shoulders drawing a little more tense, both because of guilt for his actions and because that time is painful for him to think about too. It had been the first time--he'd thought--that he had disobeyed and incurred the penalties for it, and fear of being taken back to Heaven again had caused him to do things he never should've done. He should've been stronger, shouldn't have given in; maybe the Apocalypse wouldn't have happened, and maybe--probably--Anna would still be alive.

But he doesn't say any of that, idly catching the heel of one of his boots against the cabinets he's sitting on and letting it drop repetitively as something to focus on. He's glad Sam isn't shouting, or worse looking incredibly hurt, but he still feels pretty terrible about it.]

I suppose so.

I'm sorry.

[It feels like all he does now is apologize, but he means it.]

[collegedropout]

... I know you are. [Castiel wouldn't have brought it into the open if he wasn't. Not after all this. He sighs, rubbing the back of his head, letting this all sink in. At least it's not as bad as being Lucifer's reluctant friend. At least there's that.] I know. It's in the past. Besides, you made up for it, helping with the apocalypse, dying like you did. So. Don't sweat it.

A lot of us made stupid choices, but we've made up for it, I think.

[ofthursday]

[He nods a little, uncertain, but agreeing in regards to the Apocalypse at least. They had all made mistakes there, but none of them had been entirely their own faults, and they had made it right.

Castiel's later actions, however, he can't justify away or fix, and he's still holding onto those mistakes, though he doesn't mention that. Instead, he's quiet for awhile, then slides off the counter to his feet again.]

Gabriel has more honey. I'll ask him to refill your jar.

[collegedropout]

[He huffs in good nature at that.]

I don't know if I need anymore from him. I think owing him one favor is enough, with the sigils he punched into my ribs.

[...]

Sorry about messing up yours, by the way.

[ofthursday]

I'm the one requesting it, not you. He owes me for taking an arrow for him.

[Which is totally not true, as Castiel wouldn't be holding his brother to any sort of debt even if Gabriel hadn't saved his life several times already, but still. He's pretty sure Gabriel won't deny him something as simple as honey.

And yeah, speaking of Sam's ribs...]

And for doing such an inelegant job on the sigils.

[Castiel doesn't get artistic about really anything, except for sigils. They're serious business.]

[collegedropout]

Oh. [He looks at his own chest, like he can even see it.] Not so attractive to the angel eye, huh?

[ofthursday]

They're effective, but there is... Static, it could be described. Pieces that function, but don't fit together in a pleasing way.

[Like a wrong note still makes a sound, but it doesn't mesh with the song.]

[collegedropout]

[... Well, go figure. If anyone has half-assed angel notes, it's Sam here.]

And here I thought archangels were better than that.

At least they're doing a little good, though. I've noticed it's all been... less heavy.

[The sensation in his lungs, in his bones, that is.]

[ofthursday]

This is my area of expertise, not Gabriel's, but as I stated the sigils are indeed functioning correctly.

[So good enough, for all intents and purposes. If Castiel had really thought it was subpar, he'd be drawing out a better array and making Gabriel do it again.]

That is good to hear.

[collegedropout]

[He nods. Hey, he's not interested in it being pretty. Even if that's sad for poor ol' Castiel, having to 'hear' the sigils all out of whack like that.]

Hopefully it holds up well enough. Last thing I want to deal with on top of everything else is some stupid hell cough.

[ofthursday]

[Ugh none of you understand artistry.]

It should be fine for awhile. Some other individuals here might be able to help as well; they have powers not based in our world, and therefore might be more effective.

[collegedropout]

[Dude have you seen my drawings??? Hell no I don't.]

Yeah. I've looked into a few possibilities, so I'm not giving up on a few soul-bandaids yet. However temporary it is.

[ofthursday]

[Castiel nods once, and then suddenly his expression becomes more serious as he looks at Sam.]

We will figure something out.

[He means it. He has no intention of letting Sam stay sick for the rest of his time here, let alone get worse.]

[collegedropout]

[...

He nods, smiling faintly.]

Yeah.

[Something. There's gotta be something. It makes him feel a little better, having Castiel around to help out, too. And then Gabriel's sigils are always a quiet relief... Yeah, it'll work out. They'll keep digging.]